Goodbye, I Loved You
by helloancientescapes
Summary: In which she left a letter. Oneshot. Rated T because of tw TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH


_A girl sits in the bathtub, she's very quiet, almost as if she's not entirely there._

She's laughing and in that moment she's never looked so **alive.** Farkle had just told a joke, some science joke, and Riley had found it hilarious. Smackle did too, he remembers both of them looking at each other before losing it. They kept laughing when they looked at each other, and it had gotten to the point where their little group were laughing along with them. They were probably the loudest in the cafe, but it didn't matter. They were in their own little bubble, they were happy.

 _The bathtub is slowly fills with water. The water is cold, goosebumps rise all over her, she doesn't mind._

Maya remembers when it was just the two of them, they were at the bay window, as always, and it was so **quiet.** It wasn't an awkward, it more so calming, just to be by each other's side after the whole triangle fiasco. Maya remembers that neither one of them tried to break the quiet, they just sat in each other's presence. It wasn't weird, it was just how they were. They didn't need to talk. So they didn't. She remembers Riley leaning her head on Maya's shoulders, not talking or speaking. Just being there.

 _Her face is blank, as if she's just going through the motions. She doesn't smile, or wince, she just does the motions. She moves to get more comfortable in the bathtub._

Riley Matthews always **smiled**. No matter what. She was just so happy, and that's what Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux admired the most about her. She smiled even if she had a terrible day, it was just a part of Riley Matthews. Zay remembers when Riley and Zay were the first ones at Topanga's, the group was going to meet at Topanga's for some food, and then head over to the Matthews' apartment to do some homework. He had a particularly hard day at school, and Riley could tell something was wrong with him. So she sat right next to him, held his hand, smiled at him, and told him bad days are a part of life and so are good days, you gotta have both.

 _The water is halfway to the top and the girl reaches for a small blade. She traces it against her wrist for a second, then she presses down. She does this to both of her wrists._

Smackle remembers when Riley got fiercely **protective** of her. It had been at school, and there were a couple of sophomores bothering her because of her Asperger Syndrome. Normally they would bother her when she was alone, but Riley needed some help with her bio homework so they were going to study at Riley's. They were walking down the main hallway when it happened, the sophomores saw her and started to tease her, right in front of Riley. Smackle never knew how angry and scary Riley could be. Riley went straight up to them and started lecturing them, normally that wouldn't seem scary, but she did in such a calm and monotone voice that it would scare anyone. No one bothered Smackle about it ever again, not since Riley protected her.

 _The water is now slowly reaching the top of the bathtub, and the girl as completely submerged herself in the water. The blood mixes with the water, she holds her breath, and the only thing an outsider can her is a bathtub overflowing with water._

She **believed** in him. She always had believed in everyone, it was a part of Riley Matthews. She believed in him when the group went to Texas, she believes that one day he, Lucas Friar, will be able to become a vet, even with his anger issues. He remembers how she believed in Maya, with her art, him, with his dreams, Farkle, with his crazy plans to take over the world, Smackle, with her dreams to become the smartest person in the world, and Zay, with everything he ever does. She believed in all of them. Because that's what made Riley, Riley. It's what made her likeable. She was there for them.

 _She struggles for a minute, a part of her wants to continue to_ _ **live**_ _, the other part is just so_ _ **tired**_ _. She just wants to sleep and never wake up. She's tired of it all. She just wants to stop. Stop breathing, stop caring, stop living. She done and tired. It's not like anyone will miss her. Why would they? She's just a selfish friend who gets what she wants. She's tired of not being enough, not being the person everyone thinks she is. She's tired of being compared to her best friend, who everyone knows can do so much better than her. She just wants to sleep, because maybe then, they'll leave her alone. Let her be by herself. Her vision is swimming, and she smiles a little because that means it's almost over. Her wrists are still bleeding profusely, and the blade is still in her hand. She clutches it tighter, creating another cut on her body. Her body screams with agony, and then it's black and she feels it all go away. No more pain, no more of not being enough, no more crying herself asleep, no more of anything. She smiles as she takes in a glup of air, only to have water rush down her lungs._

"OPEN THE DOOR!"

"Please, open the door,"

"C'mon open the door!"

"Please?"

"MOVE!"

The door is suddenly thrust open, and Farkle, Zay, Maya, Smackle, and Lucas, look inside to see a floor wet with blood infused water, and a bathtub with a girl smiling. The water she's in is red, and they can' see her face. But they know who the girl in the bathtub is.

 _ **Dear whoever finds this,**_

 _ **I'm sorry. I just couldn't anymore. I hope one day you'll understand. It wasn't anything you did, I'm just so tired and I wanted it to stop.**_

 _ **Maya, because I know you'll read this, I love you, you've been the best friend anyone could ask for. I love you. Please keep being happy, I need you to be. We'll meet again, I know it.**_

 _ **Lucas, you were my first crush, and boyfriend, part of me will love you, as a friend and sometimes more. But you have to take of our friends. Please, I know you can.**_

 _ **Smackle, I know you. You're a great person and an even better friend. No matter what you aren't a freak, you've become on of my best friends, and I love you for that. You matter.**_

 _ **Zay, please don't let this break you. You have to have bad days to understand the good ones. It's a part of life. You'll be fine. I love you.**_

 _ **Farkle, you've been a great many things to me, and a great friend is one of them. I love you, discover the the planets for me, will you? You. Me. Mars. Maybe in another life, we got to do that.**_

 _ **Mommy, you didn't do anything wrong! I love you but I was just so tired. I just wanted to be done. I love you and I always will. I'm sorry for disappointing you, but I'm just tired.**_

 _ **Daddy, I love you. You've taught me a lot, and I would've used them, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I love you.**_

 _ **Auggie, become the man I know you'll be. I love you, no matter what. I love you.**_

 _ **Goodbye, I loved you.**_

 _ **Riley Matthews**_


End file.
